Stay off the streets of Baltimore between 4 PM and 6 PM. Traffic goes nowhere between those hours. Plus —this one is crazy — Baltimore allows 18 wheelers to drive on President Street. That’s like Chicago allowing these trucks on Michigan Ave and Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. If they tried to pull that stunt, Chicagoans would revolt and crush those trucks faster than you can say, “Get the fuck out of my way!”
Baltimore should never be referred to as “Charm City”.
One Sunday morning, when I decided to go shopping, saw barriers on Fleet Street. Hm. Did something happen? Yes, something did happen. After a couple of hours, as I headed to 83, every street was blocked from entering President St, which is the artery to 83 and I- 95 for those leaving the city. That day the cops had no idea what was going on. They were simply following orders — to block all traffic from entering President St. Each cop had a different version of the order. At one point, I felt sorry for them.
When I returned to same point I had come from, the officer recognized me from the first time — really easy when traffic is stalled on every street to have a conversation. “Are you serious? Make U—Turn and go back from where I came from? Do you know where I came from?” But it was the 3rd encounter when I busted him. I glared at him as I crawled across the intersection. He knew I was out for blood.
I pulled over and dialed 411, the everything line for Baltimore, and each call contradicted the previous one. I wasn’t getting anywhere. I wasn’t going anywhere. A 2nd officer, a woman, approached but had to stave her off while still on the phone with city. I apologized and showed her my notes from the calls, and she tried to comfort me. “The event was almost over,” she said. “What event?” Kind of marathon… walking ?… cycling event? … running event.? some kind of… event?… a marathon… some kind of… marathon…
But what I clearly remembered was the helicopter above us. That crew seemed far more intrigued with what was below than with the event they were hired to cover. Who wouldn’t be stunned when witnessing a snake 10,000 times longer and wider than a BOA constrictor hauling cars on its back?
Things That Never Made It Into Print ... 