Suicidal? Sheppard Pratt may be your cup of tea. 

Go there and come out stark raving mad?

Hm. 

Tough choice. 

Sheppard Pratt Asylum Is designed as a Critical CARE Psychiatric Stabilization facility for those who struggle with medical conditions such as Bipolar Disorder (like myself) or any other psychiatric “diagnosis.” It has an impressive and illustrious history as an innovative facility when it was first conceived and built in the mid-19th century – a refuge, with its concentration on humane treatment. 

However, reputation, to be sustained, must demonstrate consistency of those values and principles, rather than regression from them. 

Undoubtedly, Sheppard and Pratt are totally turning in their graves. 

The isolation we feel exhaustively, all by ourselves, ripens there. 

So there are parallels to the real world. Severe Depression, which is just a hop, skip and jump away from Death, actually spikes exponentially there. 

The Human Spirit is crushed, until we finally, breath by breath, disappear. This, my friend, is where you go to watch yourself become one of The Invisibles. 

Now when you are on the outside, you have some wiggle room. You may choose to remove yourself from the Kingdom of Ignorance, if only for a breath of fresh air, and focus on the brightness of the Human Spirit. 
We have choices. 

Smell the fragrance of a lovely flower. 

Meditate. 

Listen to music. 

Dance. 

There we have no choices. We are at the mercy of Stupidity, Ignorance and Fools, and we have nowhere to go, locked between two nightmares. 

There is this clearly defined and unshakeable and raw feeling that they do not care. 

Then again, if you wanna but haven’t yet experienced depersonalization, it’s available there. Think of it as a lean, introductory course on the subject. And since I am naturally an optimist, I feel compelled to plug the positive spin here. 

First, your empathy and understanding have grown for those who do experience such devastating psychological symptoms. 

Second – 

Who knows? 
This accidental slip, for example, allows you to drift into unknown territory altogether, as you wonder if you really did, in fact, erase your memory of an entire day of your existence, because someone is insisting you did – when you didn’t. 

Luckily, there are other patients there who know that you didn’t – just as you had thought. And they are now your salvation. 

But this additional drop of uncertainty and confusion has now bloomed in your head. 

Shit happens, right?

Be forewarned, however, any heroic attempt to battle the trolls and the slugs just makes you crazier. Totally not worth it. 

They follow whatever code they’ve culled and pinned to you from the Diagnostic Statistic Manual, and we all know how that keeps expanding with each new edition. 

But that’s exactly when the epiphany occurs …

I had never truly understood what I Am Not My Diagnosis meant until I realized that that is all you are there – a code. 

Yep. 

Hey!  Look at me. I’m still here.  

Sadly, they do not hear or see you.  You have disappeared. 

So when the object of hospitalization is to support and help you shed the nasty symptoms of Depression, and instead you are fighting to be seen and heard – those are the exact type of challenges we do not need. 

The salt on the wound is the absolute isolation from the actual world. This is the abyss. Isolation is not good. They keep preaching that. And then that’s exactly what they do. 

So what do you do?

Well, trying to pry open their eyes is futile. They get really, really pissed at you. And that makes them more sinister and deadly, while they sharpen their ignorance from unbelievable heights, as you are fighting for your sanity …

The plus?

You are too fucking busy to be worrying about Suicide. So in that sense they have met their goal. You have shifted from suicidal ideation to absolute self-preservation. Plus, Existentialism is the only dish on the menu. 

Yum. 

Reminds me of a poem by Stevie Smith. An attempt to communicate with those on shore, while being swallowed by the sea …

“Not waving. But drowning.”  

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Breaking News From Baltimore You’ll Never Hear On The News

Even before the Riot here – actually ever since I’ve been here – Baltimore is heavily patrolled by Police Helicopters, both day and night. They circle round Charles Village where the Hopkins Campus is, which starts just a few blocks West and North of 25th Street.   And ever since the riots, well, like I said, Patrols are in the sky from morning through night, with spotlights for added viewing pleasure. 

Well, tonight I was sitting here reading and the helicopter light interrupted my concentration and I had to check and see what was going on. As soon as I established that it was the Patrol, I went back to doing what I had been doing – reading, listening to music from the cars below on a really, really humid night in Baltimore. 

And then I heard what sounded like a loudspeaker and again I was slightly jarred cause the message seemed so incongruous to what’s going in Baltimore right now and I wasn’t sure if I had heard correctly but then again it had been very clear.  

I’ve got to give lots of kudos to the officer in helicopter who once they had finished their security sweep and were heading out, said …
Buh, Bye!

Saturday Morning Beauty

Saturday Morning Beauty

Mug of Espresso

Cigarettes

Bottled water

MEDS

iPhone

Music

Pen

Paper

Bench

Tree

Sitting

Drinking

Smoking

Writing

Reading

Listening

Under the bright blue sky and under the breeze of a shady tree 

Listening to the birds sing in Baltimore 

Of  …

Tranquility

While a helicopter patrols from above. 

A Rash of Random Photographs That For Some Reason I Haven’t Shared Here – Baltimore, April 2015 …

TODAY   

CAMERA OPERATOR, NORTH AND PENNSYLVANIA AVENUES, APRIL, 2015, BALTIMORE 

  

THOMAS ROBERTS, MSNBC JOURNALIST AND GAY ACTIVIST

  

STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT COLOR EYES I HAVE DURING TENSIONS IN BALTIMORE. NO one can ever accuse me of NOT being versatile, especially in times of crisis! 

Very difficult to photograph your eyes. 

    

CHESS MASTERS, PENNSYLVANIA AND NORTH AVENUES, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

SO MANY BLACK MEN HAVE HIT ON ME, EVER SINCE I MOVED TO BALTIMORE!  Gentlemen. Open about their intentions. No pussyfooting around. This guy wanted to take me to dinner. When I told my neighbor, Brent, who is an angry Black Man, he said to me, “Why not go have dinner with him?”  That is certainly more palatable than the guy who wanted to take me to a bar at 9:30 AM. LOVE IT!

  

NATIONAL GUARD MOVES DOWN PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, BALTIMORE, 2015

    

CORNER OF PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE. MAN WITH SIGN, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

MEDIA. PHOTOGRAPHERS CHECKING THEIR SMART PHONES, OUTSIDE BURNT CVS PHARMACY, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

MAN IN YELLOW TURBAN AND MOTORBIKE, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

MAN WHO RAMBLED INCOMPREHENSIBLY FOR TWO HOURS, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

THE GENERATION OF HOPE MAKES AN APPEARANCE 

  

TWO MEN LAUGHING, BALTIMORE, 2015

NATIONAL GUARD, DOWNTOWN BALTIMORE, 2015    

FROM INSIDE STARBUCKS DOOR ON “PRESIDENT STREET,” DOWNTOWN BALTIMORE, 2015

  

“FREE PEOPLE” STORE AND NATIONAL GUARD, CORNER SHOT, BY WHOLE FOODS, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

EVEN THE NATIONAL GUARD NEED WATER AND BEVERAGES DURING THOSE HOT, APRIL DAYS, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

NATIONAL GUARD ALERT, TUESDAY, APRIL, 2015, BALTIMORE, DOWNTOWN

  

PARALLEL PARKING, ARMY VEHICLE AND NATIONAL GUARD, DOWNTOWN BALTIMORE, 2015

  

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE NATIONAL GUARD APPEARED. BURNING CAR. CHARLES VILLAGE, BALTIMORE, 2015

  

GETTING THROUGH TO 911 REQUIRED PATIENCE THAT NIGHT. FIRST ATTEMPTS RENDERED A BUSY SIGNAL. SECOND ATTEMPT, YOU REACHED A RECORDING, IMPLORING YOU NOT TO HANG UP. ULTIMATELY, COORDINATION OF POLICE, FIRE DEPARTMENT AND HELICOPTER GUIDANCE COMMUNICATED LOCATION AND FIRE WAS PUT OUT. BUSY NIGHT FOR EMERGENCY OPERATIONS. THEY WERE STRETCHED TO THE MAX. (Sorry for all caps here. Didn’t realize it was gonna be that long.)

  

THE SHELL OF A CAR, BALTIMORE, 2015. 

 

(EVEN AS I POST THIS, POLICE HELICOPTERS CONTINUE TO PAYROL BALTIMORE. ONE JUST ROLLED BY, AND IT’S 2:15 PM.)

HOW IT ALL BEGAN …  

Prince is Coming to Baltimore To Play “Free” Concert …  But You Need to Buy Tickets to Attend

Not that there are any left, but even if you wanted to buy tickets, unless you have a spare $500, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone who is selling one, you’re out of luck. 

I first read about Prince doing a free concert here in Baltimore a couple of days ago. And discovered lots of people who are excited about his coming here, but disappointed that they have no chance of seeing him. This group ranges from Millenials to 50 year old Baltimore natives who have been the target of the social conflict before us all of their lives. 

I read that this concert is intended to show support for the Communities affected by the riots and serve as a platform for social change. 

Hopefully. 

Now whether or not that happens, remains to be seen. However, something about this show really bothers me. And it wasn’t difficult to figure it out – the vast injustice of it. 

A show of support for the community would include that community in the festivities. Rather, the very community, which has been blighted for decades, gets to spend Sunday on the hot streets of Baltimore, with fans, maybe, in their homes, and wonder what happens next. 

Bunny Rabbits And The Church Across The Street From Me

It’s Easter on a busy street.

Cars come and go, blaring music, or not.
But one would ever know there is a church across the street from me.

Attached to the other buildings on the block, it’s radically different architecture, blends in with its neighbors.

The Artist and his dog live next to the church in a building just like it (except for colors, shape and height.)

It’s a busy spot on the street.

The lights go on at night
When gatherings occur
And feelings of love and God are shared.
A warm spot for the soul.

But today!
Today is Easter.

The industrial strength restaurant diner door lists hours of service and other stuff.
The door is swung open.
People, coming and going.
Matriarchs and angelic children
Pure of heart and soul – appear.

But they are slow.
And late.
They are always late.
Never on time.

The building could be a bloc from Mondrian …

But anyway.

The only reason I know today is Easter is because a sales person from Nordstrom’s accidentally mentioned it.

“Good thing you came today” she said. We’re closed tomorrow.”

“You are?
Why?”

“It’s Easter.”

“Oh.
Bunny rabbits.
Stuff like that.
Okay.
Thanks, again!”

The Difference Between The Crazy Ones And The Normal One

WordPress is determined to introduce new ways of solving problems because of their dinosaur physique.

They squeeze the solutions out of their users.

SO …

And this post keeps popping up as having failed to post.

So at this point, I have no idea how many of these are out there.

But it sure is lots of fun!


_______________________
So I have no idea whatsoever where this fits in this fomenting imaginary monster …

At some point I recall saying something about patterns emerging, but beyond that, I haven’t got the foggiest as to what’s going on here.

It all began with a tiny accident. Lately, I see pieces that had posted showing the post failed. I didn’t want a double-post, and I didn’t know what to do with it, other than edit what lay ahead of me and publish it.

As for today (space for confessional here) the sky is chronically gray with occasional intense thunderstorms. And it is on this day – today – my marriage ended, according to court filings. (Appropriate forecast there.)

I made it!
Yay…………

________________
One may often wonder about that …
How do you explain it?
To demonstrate an accurate version of it.
What general perceptions exist about the Crazies? Stereotypes?

Well lots of those exist.
They’re really popular.

Dynamite stuff.